Goodbye Mike
by VampGrlz271
Summary: Mike attempts to get Bella away from Edward using beyond stupid and corny pick-up lines. Of course, it doesn't work. But why not read this anyway? :D


Disclaimer:

**Disclaimer: **

**Twilight's not mine,**

**Although owning it sure would be fine.**

**I don't own New Moon,**

**And seriously, I don't mind because Jacob's such a big buffoon.**

**I wish I owned Eclipse,**

**But I don't, so I guess I'll have to deal with it.**

**Sadly, Breaking Dawn doesn't belong to me,**

**As you can so clearly see.**

**Note: XD I really like my disclaimer. **

Mike POV

I hummed to myself and thought, _today is the day. _The day that Bella, the girl of my _fantasies_, would become mine. And not that rotten good for nothing Cullen's. I pulled out a slip of paper from my back pocket and read it over again in my head. On it were pick-up lines that were _sure_ to win Bella's heart. I smiled to myself. I jumped out of my car, and grabbed my stuff. I slammed the door shut, and looked around the parking lot for Bella. I spotted her leaning against that damn Cullen's Volvo. I bet she was only with him because he intimidated her, or even worse, beat her. I bet that was it. I heard Cullen's stupid laugh, and saw him lean down to whisper something in Bella's ear. She rolled her eyes. _Good. She's annoyed_. I thought happily. I glanced at the paper one more time as I walked over to Cullen and Bella. I reached the Volvo, and stopped in front of Bella. I pretended Cullen wasn't there next to her, with a stupid grin on his face. I got ready to say the first pick-up line sure to win Bella over.

"So, Bella," I paused and smiled sexily; a smile I knew _no_ girl could resist, "are you cold?"

I paused waiting for Bella to answer. She rolled her eyes, and said, "No." She smiled and leaned more into Cullen.

I blinked, and then looked at my list again. So, "Are you cold? Because you can use me as a blanket" was out. I heard something like a growl come from Cullen. Could the kid get any _weirder_?

So then, onto the next one on the list. "Bella, you shouldn't wear make-up. It's messing with your perfection!" _That_ one would win her over. I knew it. I grinned at her again.

Bella blinked, and Cullen looked like he was trying to hold back hysterical laughter and anger at the same time. Bella shook her head and said, "Mike, I'm not wearing make-up."

I bit my lip. This wasn't working. I shifted my backpack's weight from one shoulder to the other and looked at the list again. But before I could say anything, Bella muttered, "Mike, uh, I have to get to...class. Let's go, Edward." I watched Bella walk away, dragging Cullen behind her. Cullen looked over his shoulder at me to give me a smug smile. I hated that Cullen. I followed behind them and let my gaze drop to Bella's hips, swaying slightly as she walked. And then down to her ass...

"Hey, Mike!" Someone squealed, breaking me out of my fantasies. I looked around. I was I the hallway, next to my locker. Huh.

I looked down to find an overly excited Jessica Stanley. Again.

"Oh. Hi, Jess." I mumbled, and side stepped her. I walked away, losing her in the crowd of students. I hadn't meant to be mean or anything. I just wanted to find Bella. Finally, I spotted Bella and Cullen walking into Biology together. I ran over to catch up to them. I caught up to Bella and tapped her on the shoulder. As usual, I just decided to ignore Cullen.

"Hey, Bella?" I asked.

I saw her stiffen, and she muttered to Cullen, "Edward, go save me a seat. I'll meet you in a couple minutes."

Bella turned around, but not before kissing that rotten Cullen on the cheek. I tried not to groan in disgust. I heard Cullen chuckle. Did I mention that I hate him?

"So, you wanted to ask me something, Mike?" I heard my angel say. I turned to her and grinned before making the 'one minute' sign. I reached into my pocket, and pulled out the list. I read the next pick-up line and shoved the paper back in my jeans.

"I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you."

I waited patiently for Bella to throw her arms around me and declare that she loved me and only be and not the vile Cullen. Instead, all I got was a, "Uh, Mike? I'm going to sit next to Edward now...er, bye." She bit her lower lip, sexily if I might add, and then she went to go sit by my arch nemesis. Really, I hadn't expected it to go like that. I thought that Bella would have thrown her arms around my neck, and declare her undying and never ending love for me and then kiss me. Instead, she awkwardly announced she was going to sit by Cullen. Ugh. I sighed, and went to my seat. Things were not going the way I planned.

**Later- At Lunch**

Mike POV

So, those lines before hadn't worked out. Luckily, I had more. I was sure that by the end of this school day, Bella would be mine. I pulled out the slip of paper from my pocket, and looked it over. I had 4 remaining pick-up lines. And I had _just_ the one for right now. I got up, and spotted Bella at the Cullen table, sitting next to none other than that dirty, vile Cullen himself. Cullen began to laugh, and look in my direction and then he looked away. I. Really. Hated. That. Cullen. And luckily for Bella, she wouldn't have to sit there anymore. Soon, she would be mine and she would be by my side every day. I sighed at the thought.

I walked over to her table, and stopped in front of her.

"Hey, Bella!" I waved at her. I noticed she was eating. "Oh, you're eating. Okay. I'll just wait." I was very considerate. I bet Cullen wasn't considerate of when Bella ate or not. Heck, the guy himself didn't eat. I bet he was anorexic or something. I hated that Cullen.

He rolled his eyes, and went back to playing with Bella's gorgeous brown hair. Speaking of Bella, I turned my attention back to her, who was finished eating. She caught me looking at her, and got this weird panicked expression on her face and stuffed more food into her mouth. The scary brother of Cullen's, Emmett I think, started to literally boom laughter. I almost felt the floor vibrate under me. I scooted away from him.

"Bella? Are you almost done eating?" I didn't mean for it to come out whiney, but it did. I winced.

She stiffened, and then she swallowed her food. "What...Mike?" She said, almost reluctantly. You would think that she didn't want to talk to me! _Me_!

"Okay, well. Bella, when I'm older, I'll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I'll think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you." I finished, and I patiently waited for her reaction. I just _knew_ she was going to spring up and kiss me now. I was sure of it.

I watched her reaction. First there was horror. And then there was embarrassment, and then there was annoyance.

"Mike. We're not married. We're not going to _get_ married. I'm getting _married_ to Edward." Bella jabbed a finger in Edward's direction, and he grinned, almost triumphantly. I glared at him, and he reciprocated it. I flinched back. I couldn't believe it. That one hadn't worked either. The bell rang, and I watched Bella and the Cullens get up from their table, and leave the cafeteria. I sat down in the seat that Bella had been using. I just couldn't believe it. Why didn't Bella come running to me? I was so obviously better than that Cullen. I sighed, and got up. I would not give up, though. I. Would. Not. Bella would be mine, today. With new determination, I got up to go to my next class, Trig. With Bella and Cullen. I looked over my piece of paper again. 3 lines left. I pursed my lips and tried to decide which one I should use next. Then, I got it. I knew which line I was going to use.

I skipped happily to my locker, and got out my things. I made my way over to Bella's locker, and caught her just before she went off to class with that damn Cullen.

"Bella, wait!" I called after her. I saw her slump almost wearily and then turn around to face me.

"What, Mike?" She sighed, and looked at her wrist, which had a very expensive looking watch on it. Probably something that Cullen had bought her so that it would cover up a bruise or something. I saw Cullen stiffen next to Bella. He was so strange.

I raised my eyebrows and smiled at Bella, saying, "I bet you 20 dollars you're going to turn me down." I knew she wouldn't turn me down. I just knew it. So, I was shocked when she responded with a, "You owe me 20 dollars, Mike."

She walked away with Cullen chuckling at her side. I resisted the urge to punch him.

I would get Bella today. And I would pay her back 20 dollars.

**End of School Day**

Mike POV

Here it was. The end of the school day. And I still hadn't gotten Bella. But, I knew that I would get her. I pulled out the list, and looked at the two remaining lines. I had to pick the perfect one. The one that would be sure to win Bella's heart over. The one that would send her flying into my arms and leave Cullen shocked. I pursed my lips, and tried to decide. Finally, I picked the perfect one. I finished putting everything I didn't need for homework away in my locker, and I grabbed my backpack. I would catch Bella outside before she left with that rotten Cullen. Of course, she wouldn't be leaving with him today. She'd be leaving with me. I smiled to myself. I ran outside just as Bella was getting in his stupid, shiny Volvo.

"Bella, wait!" I called, running over. I saw her bang her head on the dashboard. Cullen must really be annoying.

She said something to Cullen that sounded like, "Edward, wait here."

He nodded, grinned, and kissed her on the cheek. He leaned over and pushed the car door open, and she got out.

"Yes, Mike?" She sighed, running a hand through her hair.

"My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can't keep it in!" I opened my arms, waiting for her to come running into them.

I got confused while I waited. She seemed rooted in place. I looked over at Cullen. He was laughing hysterically. It was a shocker that he wasn't crying.

"Bella?" I asked, turning back to my angel. Maybe she was just so touched and flattered by the last line that she couldn't move. Maybe that was it.

She blinked a few times, and mumbled a, "Goodbye, Mike."

I couldn't _believe_ it, as she got into the car with Cullen and Cullen started the car and drove away. He threw one last smug smile in my direction before completely leaving the parking lot.

Bella hadn't picked me. She had picked that _Cullen_. Now, I hated him more than ever. I couldn't believe that last line didn't work. More importantly, what the hell was I going to do with my last pick-up line? I sighed, and read the last one. _Last night, I looked up at the stars and matched each reason with why I love you._

Huh. Maybe I should have used that one instead of the last one? But, really. What _was_ I going to do with my last line?

"Hey, Mike!" Jessica Stanley pranced up to me.

"Hey...Jess. Guess what." I looked over the pick-up line one last time.

"What, Mike?" She was excited, bouncing up and down nearly at 80 miles per hour.

"Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each reason with why I love you."

**The end! How'd you people like it? I got this idea from The Romanticidal Edwardian's pick-up lines one-shot with Renesmee, Bella, and Edward. I hope you all like this! And check out her stories. They are way awesome. **


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